>> Distract Ellen Gertie using MOT certificates
The situation is more dire than you could have ever predicted. Despite blending seamlessly into the life of Mrs Fox, and although you have probed so subtly as to render your interrogation imperceptible, even to yourself, Ellen's suspicions are piqued. You worry that if she rumbles you now then she might unleash the full force of her empire upon you, utilising passive aggression, spiteful scheduling of church fetes and probably even knife crime to end your investigation. You have to think quickly.
"Because, my darling Gertie, you see, the thing is..." you start, expertly stalling while you fish around in your towel for anything that might help "... I really need to understand your ecclesiastical and financial crossover events because, er, aha!" You triumphantly yank a bundle of crumpled documents from the confines of your inventory and thrust them towards Gertie's face. "I am very worried about this advisory finding on the tread of my tyres, despite them never so much as brushing a kerb unintentionally!"
Sir Chrimmington nods behind you. She only ever strikes kerbs on purpose.
"And only money that's been stolen from a church, preferably laundered by it, is good enough to settle our automotive invoices." Gutterpipe del Perdido adds, providing vital context.
"Ah, I see. One of the sanctified branches of Halfords, that'll be. I'm always telling the vicar about those holy mechanics and their insistence on wiping up oil stains using the Turin shroud."
You nod. Mrs Fox would be dead set against the destruction of ancient artefacts in the pursuit of routine vehicle care.
"I should be able to embezzle cash from Greater Washburn church; I did so already, just last week. It's been part of a little hobby of mine; putting fake voices of the divine into armchairs, making things look deeply secatuerable in the Chapel, moving the vicar's theives tools into prominent display, and doing the old take-back play on large donations. Gives me stories to tell the grandchildren, you know?" Explains Ellen Gertie. You're almost convinced that you could scour that statement for incriminating evidence if only you had the time. Unfortunately, Ellen's eyes travel to the name and address printed at the top of the MOT certificate.
"What's this... owner's name Ashley Von Staffen?!" Ellen Gertie reads. In hindsight, you begin to wonder if handing your nemesis personally identifying information that runs counter to your disguise was the best use of time and resources. "You're not Mrs Fox, Sir Chrimmington and Gutterpipe del Perdido at all! You're Ashley and Lucy, famous private investigators! And you've reunited Ashley with her long-lost brother! I should have recognised Drainpipe Von Staffen from the off; no other pipe wears a crown so naturally!" the haunted binbag says.
You're not a paranoid or insecure person, but you begin to think that Ellen suspects you're not really Mrs Fox.
1. Squat
2. Loot office
3. Arrest Ellen Gertie
4. Ask if you can use Ellen's desk phone
"Because, my darling Gertie, you see, the thing is..." you start, expertly stalling while you fish around in your towel for anything that might help "... I really need to understand your ecclesiastical and financial crossover events because, er, aha!" You triumphantly yank a bundle of crumpled documents from the confines of your inventory and thrust them towards Gertie's face. "I am very worried about this advisory finding on the tread of my tyres, despite them never so much as brushing a kerb unintentionally!"
Sir Chrimmington nods behind you. She only ever strikes kerbs on purpose.
"And only money that's been stolen from a church, preferably laundered by it, is good enough to settle our automotive invoices." Gutterpipe del Perdido adds, providing vital context.
"Ah, I see. One of the sanctified branches of Halfords, that'll be. I'm always telling the vicar about those holy mechanics and their insistence on wiping up oil stains using the Turin shroud."
You nod. Mrs Fox would be dead set against the destruction of ancient artefacts in the pursuit of routine vehicle care.
"I should be able to embezzle cash from Greater Washburn church; I did so already, just last week. It's been part of a little hobby of mine; putting fake voices of the divine into armchairs, making things look deeply secatuerable in the Chapel, moving the vicar's theives tools into prominent display, and doing the old take-back play on large donations. Gives me stories to tell the grandchildren, you know?" Explains Ellen Gertie. You're almost convinced that you could scour that statement for incriminating evidence if only you had the time. Unfortunately, Ellen's eyes travel to the name and address printed at the top of the MOT certificate.
"What's this... owner's name Ashley Von Staffen?!" Ellen Gertie reads. In hindsight, you begin to wonder if handing your nemesis personally identifying information that runs counter to your disguise was the best use of time and resources. "You're not Mrs Fox, Sir Chrimmington and Gutterpipe del Perdido at all! You're Ashley and Lucy, famous private investigators! And you've reunited Ashley with her long-lost brother! I should have recognised Drainpipe Von Staffen from the off; no other pipe wears a crown so naturally!" the haunted binbag says.
You're not a paranoid or insecure person, but you begin to think that Ellen suspects you're not really Mrs Fox.
1. Squat
2. Loot office
3. Arrest Ellen Gertie
4. Ask if you can use Ellen's desk phone