>> Surf on Roof
Houses whip past your window, as you find yourself yet again pressed hard into the passenger seat of your car. It's as if the world outside is as desperate to flee Gertie and Gertie Enterprises as you are to reach it; perhaps the universe can feel the righteous weight of investigative justice that you're wielding and wishes to clear the way.
In the driver's seat, Ashley has made the sage decision to close her eyes and get a little relaxation in before the big confrontation. Cruising as you are at a steady fifty through a school zone, you are once again blown away by her natural drivership and intuitive vehicle control. Other vehicles honk their praise as you tear past, and some even mount the pavement in deference. A few such acolytes slam into front garden walls or lampposts, which you find to be rather reckless of them.
Seeing the good work that Ashley is doing, you conclude that you too have a duty to prepare. But how best would you do that?
You ponder your circumstances as you hear a loud crunch from the undercarriage of the car, and the whole thing lurches upwards. You spare a look out of the window and see that Ashley has expertly ramped up the side of a roundabout, not wasting precious time or wearing down the road surface by going all the way around, instead taking the direct line. What a visionary. It inspires you to think all the more clearly about the events to come.
You're heading into a mystery showdown; two plucky private investigators, and length of Drainpipe, versus a multinational corporation dedicated to evil. What you'll need most of all isn't the element of surprise, or a plan, or to know what you're carrying, or even to know what your abilities are; what you need is adrenaline. The ability to make snap decisions and take spontaneous action will see you through any crisis. But how will you achieve such a heightened state when Ashley's driving makes you feel so safe and calm? No part of your brain could possibly feel excited when you are in such secure hands.
The car leans hard onto two wheels as Ashley makes a u-turn across the dual carriageway, despite the naysaying of a road sign that needlessly prohibits such a good sense manoeuvre.
As your head crashes into the window, you note a pigeon sitting atop a bollard. The glass might well have given you a concussion, but the pigeon has given you a great idea.
"I'll be back in a moment, Ash. Just getting ready." you say.
"Got it!" she replies, apparently a little distracted by the amount of swerving she's been forced into. It seems that some rogue gardener has planted a row of veteran chestnut trees along the roadway.
Opening the door of a moving vehicle under such circumstances would be dangerous, of course, so you safely roll the window down and lean your torso immediately through. Once again, your decision not to wear a seat belt pays off, saving you many seconds of fiddling time. You resolve to cut it off entirely when you get to Gertie and Gertie; Ashley would never crash, and to imply she might by wearing a belt is just insulting.
The wind assails you as you flop from the open window. It pulls at your hair and your witches dress, but the latter is held firmly in place by your towel. Pawing at the roof of the car, facing up to the sky, you find it hard to get purchase on the smooth, painted metal and curse that you are not a sucker-footed gecko.
"Can I lend you a head?" Laughs Drainpipe, poking out of the rear window behind you.
"You're a genius!" you tell your cylindrical companion, grasping the space where its face would be with one hand and levering yourself upwards. It turns out that whoever designed this car made the windows woefully inadequate in terms of size; your towel clad torso barely fits out, and you feel the frame pushing the barrel of the revolver into your ribs again.
With a lot of levering and wiggling, and some rousing near misses, you manage to get your whole body free of the interior. One leg rests on Drainpipe, one on the window frame, and both arms are on the roof. A final Heroic effort springs you onto the thin, aluminium roof of the hatchback, and you feel it bowing reverently beneath your weight.
From prone, to squat, to standing you rise, feeling the air ripping at your skin as the car wobbles beneath you. Ashley is clearly on board with the adrenaline angle, and has increased the violence of her weaving from 'reasonable' to 'thrilling'.
"Great work, Ash!" You shout, as you duck a low bough of chestnut. You are far from stable, lurching whole bodied from front to back in a desperate attempt to keep your feet. Below you the tarmac and pavement whip by, and the car bounces hard every time Ashley is forced to mount and dismount the confusingly positioned kerb.
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In the driver's seat, Ashley has made the sage decision to close her eyes and get a little relaxation in before the big confrontation. Cruising as you are at a steady fifty through a school zone, you are once again blown away by her natural drivership and intuitive vehicle control. Other vehicles honk their praise as you tear past, and some even mount the pavement in deference. A few such acolytes slam into front garden walls or lampposts, which you find to be rather reckless of them.
Seeing the good work that Ashley is doing, you conclude that you too have a duty to prepare. But how best would you do that?
You ponder your circumstances as you hear a loud crunch from the undercarriage of the car, and the whole thing lurches upwards. You spare a look out of the window and see that Ashley has expertly ramped up the side of a roundabout, not wasting precious time or wearing down the road surface by going all the way around, instead taking the direct line. What a visionary. It inspires you to think all the more clearly about the events to come.
You're heading into a mystery showdown; two plucky private investigators, and length of Drainpipe, versus a multinational corporation dedicated to evil. What you'll need most of all isn't the element of surprise, or a plan, or to know what you're carrying, or even to know what your abilities are; what you need is adrenaline. The ability to make snap decisions and take spontaneous action will see you through any crisis. But how will you achieve such a heightened state when Ashley's driving makes you feel so safe and calm? No part of your brain could possibly feel excited when you are in such secure hands.
The car leans hard onto two wheels as Ashley makes a u-turn across the dual carriageway, despite the naysaying of a road sign that needlessly prohibits such a good sense manoeuvre.
As your head crashes into the window, you note a pigeon sitting atop a bollard. The glass might well have given you a concussion, but the pigeon has given you a great idea.
"I'll be back in a moment, Ash. Just getting ready." you say.
"Got it!" she replies, apparently a little distracted by the amount of swerving she's been forced into. It seems that some rogue gardener has planted a row of veteran chestnut trees along the roadway.
Opening the door of a moving vehicle under such circumstances would be dangerous, of course, so you safely roll the window down and lean your torso immediately through. Once again, your decision not to wear a seat belt pays off, saving you many seconds of fiddling time. You resolve to cut it off entirely when you get to Gertie and Gertie; Ashley would never crash, and to imply she might by wearing a belt is just insulting.
The wind assails you as you flop from the open window. It pulls at your hair and your witches dress, but the latter is held firmly in place by your towel. Pawing at the roof of the car, facing up to the sky, you find it hard to get purchase on the smooth, painted metal and curse that you are not a sucker-footed gecko.
"Can I lend you a head?" Laughs Drainpipe, poking out of the rear window behind you.
"You're a genius!" you tell your cylindrical companion, grasping the space where its face would be with one hand and levering yourself upwards. It turns out that whoever designed this car made the windows woefully inadequate in terms of size; your towel clad torso barely fits out, and you feel the frame pushing the barrel of the revolver into your ribs again.
With a lot of levering and wiggling, and some rousing near misses, you manage to get your whole body free of the interior. One leg rests on Drainpipe, one on the window frame, and both arms are on the roof. A final Heroic effort springs you onto the thin, aluminium roof of the hatchback, and you feel it bowing reverently beneath your weight.
From prone, to squat, to standing you rise, feeling the air ripping at your skin as the car wobbles beneath you. Ashley is clearly on board with the adrenaline angle, and has increased the violence of her weaving from 'reasonable' to 'thrilling'.
"Great work, Ash!" You shout, as you duck a low bough of chestnut. You are far from stable, lurching whole bodied from front to back in a desperate attempt to keep your feet. Below you the tarmac and pavement whip by, and the car bounces hard every time Ashley is forced to mount and dismount the confusingly positioned kerb.
- See if you can stamp a sunroof into the car
- Sit on bonnet
- Patiently wait for journey to end
- Use revolver as toothpick
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