>> Stay in character and surreptitiously gather intel
Standing before you is Ellen Gertie. Evil incarnate. Suffering made manifest. Hell in a cardigan. She's remarkably tolerant of the damage that some inconsiderate soul did to the door of the office, but shows very little concern for your wellbeing, or that of your companions. That sort of callousness is to be expected from such a monster as her, and is exactly why she needs to be brought to justice. All that nonsense with stealing from a church and being hired by a vicar is sort of relevant too, you concede.
Ashley, still deep undercover, fetches Drainpipe and comes to stand by your side, adopting the one-legged stance that typifies a market stall grocer. Seeing her continued dedication inspires you to follow suit. As far as Ellen Gertie knows, you really are Mrs Fox; you've got a unique and probably time-limited opportunity to pump her for intel before you're rumbled, so you need to make the most of it. Diane Ingrid Shame can unleash a hellstorm upon her once you're done.
"Ah, yes, of course. I don't like to appear over-familiar, though. You know how it is; people like you and I turn heads in the street and break hearts in the canal, so we can't take risks with other people's feelings in a business setting." you say. "Speaking of abject failures of emotional intelligence: are Carradan and Excelsior not around, today?"
Ellen gives you an appraising look.
"I was hoping to speak to them about representation for my grocery business. Take the fetid, filthy public off my pristinely manicured hands." Sir Chrimmington announces, taking some of the heat for your totally accurate and reasonable description of the CEOs.
"Ah. That's a very good choice, Mr..."
"Sir. Sir Chrimmington." you correct her. "A close friend of mine. You can speak as freely in front of him, and my other associate Gutterpipe Del Perdido, as you would in front of me." you add, hoping that she'll reveal some devastatingly incriminating facts.
"Well, it's an honour to meet a knight." says Gertie, who has probably been hunted like a mythical dragon a few times in her squalid and rotten existence. "And to meet a member of hollow royalty."
Drainpipe, masquerading as Gutterpipe, gives the impression it would nod if it could.
"So as we were saying, Mrs Gertie, are Carradan and Excelsior not around today? I was hoping to discuss some important business matters with them; hiding money, laundering funds, embezzlement, theft, tax evasion, corporate espionage, asset stripping, dumping hundreds of tonnes of unused roofing tiles into local ponds, that sort of thing." you tell the old hag, effortlessly fulfilling the role of the socialite and entrepreneur.
"Sounds like a busy afternoon you've got planned." chuckles Ellen Gertie. Her unremarkable teeth are unworthy of any remarks, but they lurk behind lips which cry out for a third-party making-up. Flashbacks of your first encounter with The Elderly Woman come unbidden to your mind, but you strive to hold yourself together. "You know as well as I do that Carradan and Excelsior are both fictitious. I suppose this was just your way of revealing it to Sir Chrimmington?"
The bombshell lands in your lap like a bomb landing in a woman's lap.
"Yes." you say, simply. Ashley lets out a grocerly gasp of surprise. You'd come here to expose Gertie and Gertie Enterprises having a false figurehead alongside the despicable Excelsior, but now you've been left reeling from the revelation that neither of the joint CEOs exists. Ellen Gertie is the puppetmaster at every level.
1. "Looks like someone ruined your paper door"
2. "Do you have any experience with church embezzlement?"
3. "Would you like to dance?"
4. Casually search for incriminating files
Ashley, still deep undercover, fetches Drainpipe and comes to stand by your side, adopting the one-legged stance that typifies a market stall grocer. Seeing her continued dedication inspires you to follow suit. As far as Ellen Gertie knows, you really are Mrs Fox; you've got a unique and probably time-limited opportunity to pump her for intel before you're rumbled, so you need to make the most of it. Diane Ingrid Shame can unleash a hellstorm upon her once you're done.
"Ah, yes, of course. I don't like to appear over-familiar, though. You know how it is; people like you and I turn heads in the street and break hearts in the canal, so we can't take risks with other people's feelings in a business setting." you say. "Speaking of abject failures of emotional intelligence: are Carradan and Excelsior not around, today?"
Ellen gives you an appraising look.
"I was hoping to speak to them about representation for my grocery business. Take the fetid, filthy public off my pristinely manicured hands." Sir Chrimmington announces, taking some of the heat for your totally accurate and reasonable description of the CEOs.
"Ah. That's a very good choice, Mr..."
"Sir. Sir Chrimmington." you correct her. "A close friend of mine. You can speak as freely in front of him, and my other associate Gutterpipe Del Perdido, as you would in front of me." you add, hoping that she'll reveal some devastatingly incriminating facts.
"Well, it's an honour to meet a knight." says Gertie, who has probably been hunted like a mythical dragon a few times in her squalid and rotten existence. "And to meet a member of hollow royalty."
Drainpipe, masquerading as Gutterpipe, gives the impression it would nod if it could.
"So as we were saying, Mrs Gertie, are Carradan and Excelsior not around today? I was hoping to discuss some important business matters with them; hiding money, laundering funds, embezzlement, theft, tax evasion, corporate espionage, asset stripping, dumping hundreds of tonnes of unused roofing tiles into local ponds, that sort of thing." you tell the old hag, effortlessly fulfilling the role of the socialite and entrepreneur.
"Sounds like a busy afternoon you've got planned." chuckles Ellen Gertie. Her unremarkable teeth are unworthy of any remarks, but they lurk behind lips which cry out for a third-party making-up. Flashbacks of your first encounter with The Elderly Woman come unbidden to your mind, but you strive to hold yourself together. "You know as well as I do that Carradan and Excelsior are both fictitious. I suppose this was just your way of revealing it to Sir Chrimmington?"
The bombshell lands in your lap like a bomb landing in a woman's lap.
"Yes." you say, simply. Ashley lets out a grocerly gasp of surprise. You'd come here to expose Gertie and Gertie Enterprises having a false figurehead alongside the despicable Excelsior, but now you've been left reeling from the revelation that neither of the joint CEOs exists. Ellen Gertie is the puppetmaster at every level.
1. "Looks like someone ruined your paper door"
2. "Do you have any experience with church embezzlement?"
3. "Would you like to dance?"
4. Casually search for incriminating files