>> "Do you have any experience with church embezzlement?"
Now that you know Ellen Gertie is the sick, demented ringmaster in this circus of crime and fare-dodging, you realise the true gravity of your situation. She's not just the beneficiary of nepotism and matriarchal dominance of a money laundering operation, but effectively an organised crime boss with absolutely awful taste in office carpeting. Having been up close with it, you can really bear witness to the offensive orange colour she's selected.
You can't allow the chance to question her to slip through your fingers. Mrs Fox's famously cat-like curiosity normally makes you sick as a dog and tired as a work horse, but it's time to commit to it like a highland cow commits to blocking a road.
"Do you have any experience with church embezzlement?" you ask, the most natural question that a prospective client could have when discussing the potential representation of a grocer.
"Church embezzlement?" Ellen repeats, the words slipping easily from her mouth as if it's the most familiar phrase in her arsenal of despair.
"Yes, church embezzlement. You know, like we always do at the rich people clubs in the city." you clarify. "Once we're done eating our gilded parsnips in our rooftop restaurants, we descend to underground canal level - the secret underground canals that only the elite know of, I mean - and then allow the gondolas to bear us to nearby towns. Upon our arrival, rejuvenated by the costly liqueurs that the gondola bartenders foist upon us, we rise back up to the streets where the proletariat shamble along in their pitiful existences. We find their places of worship, where they gather in their tens on a weekly basis, and we infiltrate the power structures for our own amusement. With influence secured, we then make sizable donations using ill-gotten money and then steal it back, effectively laundering it without drawing any suspicion to ourselves."
You can feel the silence from Ashley and Drainpipe behind you. They're either totally taken in by your scarily accurate depiction of the lives of the wealthy, or they're trying to think of their own totally dynamite contributions to the investigation
"I see." Ellen replies after a short silence. The sound of her grating, evil-choked voice leaves you with the impression that the silence wasn't short enough. "It seems like you have an awful lot of experience with the subject already, Mrs Fox."
That dastardly hag! She's trying to turn the whole thing round on you! You thrust your hands into the pockets of your dress, blocking them from any attempt Gertie might make to slip some falsified evidence in.
"No I don't! I've never even heard of a church. Or money laundering. Or vicars." you deny. "Or what happened in that shoe shop that got robbed yesterday."
"It's true; she doesn't. I questioned her thoroughly on the topic earlier today." Drainpipe adds, always having your back.
"I think what Mrs Fox is trying to say, is that I don't really like talking to the public when I sell groceries, so I'd like Gertie and Gertie to take that responsibility off my hands." says Ashley as Sir Chrimmington, steering your interrogation back into the realms of the cover story. Ellen gives her a confused look.
"I was a very strange way of saying that."
"I'm a known poet." you defend, spinning your web of lies to ever greater breadths. "And as a poet, I do need to know what experience you have with stealing back donations from churches."
Ellen looks you in the eye without speaking. Ashley sidles her way towards the desk, with Drainpipe in tow.
"Why?"
1. "In case I need to blackmail you"
2. "It's a good plan B"
3. Distract Ellen Gertie using MOT certificates
4. Shoot light fittings
You can't allow the chance to question her to slip through your fingers. Mrs Fox's famously cat-like curiosity normally makes you sick as a dog and tired as a work horse, but it's time to commit to it like a highland cow commits to blocking a road.
"Do you have any experience with church embezzlement?" you ask, the most natural question that a prospective client could have when discussing the potential representation of a grocer.
"Church embezzlement?" Ellen repeats, the words slipping easily from her mouth as if it's the most familiar phrase in her arsenal of despair.
"Yes, church embezzlement. You know, like we always do at the rich people clubs in the city." you clarify. "Once we're done eating our gilded parsnips in our rooftop restaurants, we descend to underground canal level - the secret underground canals that only the elite know of, I mean - and then allow the gondolas to bear us to nearby towns. Upon our arrival, rejuvenated by the costly liqueurs that the gondola bartenders foist upon us, we rise back up to the streets where the proletariat shamble along in their pitiful existences. We find their places of worship, where they gather in their tens on a weekly basis, and we infiltrate the power structures for our own amusement. With influence secured, we then make sizable donations using ill-gotten money and then steal it back, effectively laundering it without drawing any suspicion to ourselves."
You can feel the silence from Ashley and Drainpipe behind you. They're either totally taken in by your scarily accurate depiction of the lives of the wealthy, or they're trying to think of their own totally dynamite contributions to the investigation
"I see." Ellen replies after a short silence. The sound of her grating, evil-choked voice leaves you with the impression that the silence wasn't short enough. "It seems like you have an awful lot of experience with the subject already, Mrs Fox."
That dastardly hag! She's trying to turn the whole thing round on you! You thrust your hands into the pockets of your dress, blocking them from any attempt Gertie might make to slip some falsified evidence in.
"No I don't! I've never even heard of a church. Or money laundering. Or vicars." you deny. "Or what happened in that shoe shop that got robbed yesterday."
"It's true; she doesn't. I questioned her thoroughly on the topic earlier today." Drainpipe adds, always having your back.
"I think what Mrs Fox is trying to say, is that I don't really like talking to the public when I sell groceries, so I'd like Gertie and Gertie to take that responsibility off my hands." says Ashley as Sir Chrimmington, steering your interrogation back into the realms of the cover story. Ellen gives her a confused look.
"I was a very strange way of saying that."
"I'm a known poet." you defend, spinning your web of lies to ever greater breadths. "And as a poet, I do need to know what experience you have with stealing back donations from churches."
Ellen looks you in the eye without speaking. Ashley sidles her way towards the desk, with Drainpipe in tow.
"Why?"
1. "In case I need to blackmail you"
2. "It's a good plan B"
3. Distract Ellen Gertie using MOT certificates
4. Shoot light fittings